5 Intangible Gifts I Gained after Losing Someone I Love

It was unexpected that I would fall for somebody, as I has no intention to look for a partner. My life was like Taiwanese  drama for the past 6 to 7 months. However I am tired of all these draggy dramas, and I want to get myself out of it. I want to rest my mind from falling in love for a period of time. This was a complicated story, which I have no intention to write down episodes by episodes, not even the summary of the story, though I am confident that some people would be curious to read up.

I have no intention to seek for anyone's sympathy, neither do I want to put anyone down in this picture. It is ironic that I write it down in my blog, but I am not promoting this post at any other social media to attract viewers. Whoever comes across this post, you are just fated to read this. This post would be a self-reflection, a review of my thoughts, lessons I have learnt in this relationship. I would be glad if you find resonance in between, and could inspire you in certain way, that help you in your life. Or you have any tips or better perspectives, feel free to share with me too.

In life, sometimes you fall in love during an unexpected situation. It is not the love at first sight. When you first met the person, you never thought that he or she is the one. It hardly comes across your head that he or she is your type, that you deliberately get closer to him or her, to get attention. Sometimes it happens in the way that both of you have short conversation every single day. As times go by, the conversation gets longer and longer, and you don't realize that both of you get so connected in heart. You feel happy every time you talk, and the conversation seems never ending, and both of you started exchanging intrinsic thoughts and all your stories in life. Whenever you come across something exciting, he or she would be the first person you would want to share with. You never know that you would come across a person could understand you so much, and accept you for who you are, but at the same time can help you to grow. Both of you just fall in love unknowingly.

Life is not just about falling in love, finding a partner, and getting married. Before taking any steps closer in a relationship, there are lots of factors we need to take into consideration. We have our career, goals and dreams, family, etc. Finding the right person is one thing. The timing needs to be right too. Some people don't mind changing themselves to match up with their love. Some people choose not to change, because they want to be themselves, they want to be natural, to ensure they are the right one for each other for who they are. There is no right or wrong.

Falling in love is addicting, that's why I hate it. I don't like the process of falling in and out of love. Falling out of love, I need to get out of withdrawal syndrome. Things had already happened, and all I should do right now is to learn from the experience, but not whining on it.

LESSON #1: LIVE ON TO YOUR VALUES AND DON'T TORTURE YOURSELF WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS 

I would be lying if I tell you that I am not disheartened when things have to stop. Who here doesn't feel upset over losing someone or something that he or she values so much? I know life needs to go on. Sometimes I have an urge to make him feel guilty by letting him know how upset I am, or make him worry that I am not feeling well. But hey, this is really so childish and stupid. It is not worth squandering my time, torturing myself, just to seek for his guilt and sympathy. At the end of the day, I will only be adding on more pain to myself.

Whatever he does, I cannot take control. But I can take control of myself. I shouldn't let what he does decides how I should behave. I would feel ashamed if I look back. Live on to your values, don't live by the way how you are being treated. If you want to become a person with greater heart, destructive thoughts won't bring you there. Remember, life has to go on, you have goals and dreams you would like to achieve. Don't let the heartbreak stops you, delaying your success.

LESSON #2: BECOMING EMPATHETIC 

At first, I felt stupid crying over the relationship. I asked myself why am I so stupid to get myself into this situation. Hey, I just couldn't help it. But suddenly, I realized that there are also other people who are very upset over their breakups. They must be feeling very terrible inside their heart right now.

Last time, I could only feel sorry for my friends, but not really understanding what exactly they are going through inside their heart. I would want to be there for my friends, but the advice I gave them may not really touch their heart. After experiencing it myself, I start to understand what people are going through when they break up in a relationship. I would want to learn now to overcome it, and help them get out of these emotions.

LESSON #3: YOU NEED TO LOSE SOMETHING SMALL TO GAIN SOMETHING BIG

I always aspire to have a bigger heart. I realized how narrow my mind when I was feeling upset over losing someone that I wanted so much. I realized that I am yearning for his attention. Hey, he is not the world. I lost his attention, so what? My happiness shouldn't be built on whether I get his attention or not. He made me realized now self-centered I am. The moment I feel the heartache, I will think about people who love me and care for me. The moment I feel the heartache, I will think about the misfortunes who are waiting for my love and care. The moment I feel the heartache, I will take refuge in the Sages' teachings. The moment I feel the heartache, I think about my aspirations.

LESSON #4: UNDERSTANDING THE NOBLE TRUTH OF LIFE

In this worldly life, if you seek happiness only externally, it would only be a short term happiness. If you seek happiness only externally, very often, you will not get what you want, and you will be unhappy. In this worldly life, it is also inevitable to depart from what you love, and it is inevitable for you to encounter what you dislike. There is nothing certain in this world, and there is no secure basis I can count on. However much you may indulge in the pleasures, they cannot bring satisfaction. 

You need to seek for happiness internally. The only way to attain happiness is to cut off the roots of sufferings. In this situation I am unhappy because of my attachment, thinking that he is mine, he belongs to me. I felt that he is valuable, and I should own him myself. When I lost him, I felt unhappy. But the fact is, he doesn't belong to me from the start. I don't own him at all. He is like any other sentient beings, who needs to seek for happiness, and free from all sufferings. He is still amazing for who he is, but why should I selfishly want to own him myself?

LESSON #5: CULTIVATING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I always want to give him the best of everything. I want to give him happiness, I want to let him see the best things in this world. When the separation is confirmed, I was questioning myself if I should continue to have this heart for him. I questioned whether my love for him is genuine. No, it is with attachment. Deep down my heart, I wish to win his heart. If I am truly sincere and genuine, the love should exceed the need. If I am truly sincere and genuine, no matter what situation it is, the thoughts of wanting to bring him happiness should be unchanging. It shouldn't come with any expectations from him.

Likewise, the love shouldn't just limit to him, I should expand it to anyone else. The true love should be something that brings happiness to yourself and others. True love doesn't hurt.

I have made up my mind to move on. Once my decision is made, I shall not look back. Life is too short, it is stupid for me to be so frustrated and upset over this for very long.

My most important advice to those who are feeling heartbroken now is: the world is big, he or she doesn't define your happiness. Create your own happiness. Be strong to face it and overcome it. Always focus to have a bigger heart, it get you out of unhappiness faster. You wouldn't hate him or her for ditching you. You will feel grateful instead, as the breakup makes you a better person.

If you are seeking for a partner in your life, I sincerely hope you find someone who can grow can also support you spiritually, and can grow and improve together, walking towards the true happiness.

P.S.: He is still a nice person. He has been helping me whenever I need help, and I still appreciate him for whatever he has done for me. I am a nice person, I am always understanding towards him, and he still appreciate whatever I have done for him. We just come to a decision that we should come to an end, because of the timing and other factors.