On my way to let go! :)
(Please refer to the post "Yeah, A Great Chance to Let GO!" to get the gist of the story.)
How's your Valentine's Day spent? Is it a romantic one? A sweet one? Or just an ordinary day for you? Or a even a bad day?
For me, it's really a great start! I think I finally made a big step forward, a brave choice, to put everything to an end. I played "Truth or Dare" with myself, just as shown in the video below.
As I mentioned in the post "Yeah, A Great Chance to Let GO!", I made up my mind not to interact with him for the next half year. But I failed within a week, because my secondary school Chemistry teacher told me that I shouldn't initiate a cold war with friend. It's easier to break a friendship, and hard to build one. So... I sent a message to apologise, and I had decided to throw everything aside, and enjoy my teaching practicum.
Seriously, my teaching practicum was truly enjoyable that I barely thought of talking to him. And I almost forgotten that I was mad at him, not until our mutual close friend came over to Taiwan.
I think she is a genius. She found my blog, which I thought not a single person would ever click to my personal blog link, besides myself. She read the post "Yeah, A Great Chance to Let GO!", and what makes me think that she's really a genius is, she showed him the blog entry. At first, I was astonished, and MAD of course. But I didn't mind anymore, just felt that she's a little rude to do so. And I don't care if he sees it.
And I thought I didn't necessarily need his concern. I was really doing great there, and felt loved everyday despite the pressures and challenges I might face anytime. I was no longer thirsty for his concern. Really!
But I was wrong. I happened to see him in a gathering. But I realised that I PRETENDED to ignore his presence, and refused to talk to him much, and I realised that I was AVOIDING EYE CONTACT with him. I looked away immediately if I ever accidentally stared into his eyes. What does that mean? It's still bothering me.
I met up with him on Friday, 13 February. He started asking about me and blah blah blah, pointing out the problems I am facing, which I TRULY REFUSED TO SHARE WITH HIM. And he said that I should have seek help from him at the start, because he is the right person to talk to, because he is experienced, and he knows me well... (Yeah, he is indeed my mind reader, but still... Bullsh*t..) I started laughing, because he was there trying to preach, with the same old expressions. But this time round, I no longer feel excited, nor touched. No. Just normal. He mentioned that he's wiser than me, and I have to listen to the wise one.
I didn't seek him for help during the past months, because I have made up my mind that I should't be reliant on him, no matter how well he knows me. I don't want to fall into the same trap again.
We went for movie together, and window shopped for toys and HIS CLOTHES. (Which I think I am being too nice to follow like my soul was under his control.) At dinner time, he asked me a question, and I was startled. He asked me if I have a boyfriend, and if I have ever dated with someone. Why didn't I get together with XXX. (!!!!!) I never expected such questions would ever come out from him. I was too dumbfounded to respond. But that very night, I made up my mind. It's really time to put everything to an end, and tell him the truth. Let him tell me the truth which I had already known deep down my heart. The truth may be unbearable, but it would make me feel better.
I am not the kinda person who would confess. I never made a single confession in my life. NEVER. It is a big step for me to tell him the truth, that's why I said that I feel really good about overcoming my fears! XD
So, I sent him a voice message which says,
"Hey XXX, I know you would appreciate that I am more straight forward, and tell you honestly about my thoughts. Yesterday, you asked me if I have a boyfriend, and if I have ever gone on date before. I was startled to hear such a question from you, too started to respond. Here is my answer. All these year I don't have a boyfriend, because I am a silly and stubborn fool, who have been liking the same guy throughout the past four and a half year, no matter he likes me or not. Three years after I met him, I thought it gonna be hopeless and not practical, and I tried to erase the feeling, and let him fade away from my memory, especially when he started to be callous towards me. But I realised that these were futile attempt. Yep, there used to be other guys out there in Taiwan, who are good, but I rejected them, because I am still liking the same person. So determined, but stubborn, right? Haha.
"Well, actually, I would truly appreciate that you can tell me right in my face IF YOU NEVER FELT THE SAME FOR ME, but we can always stay as friends. I know that I would be sad for awhile, but it's much faster to put all these to an end, and move on with life! I won't be mad at you.
"Hope you don't feel awkward hearing this message. If you do, I am sorry, you can delete this message, but please, don't ignore me."
The summary of his response was:
All along, he knew that I liked him. He has no feeling for me, but we are always still friends. (As I know, he always helped me.) He had been waiting for me to tell him my real thoughts. We are good friends, the pioneer one. The way he treats me actually is the way he treats everyone.
You know what, I accepted the truth, I appreciated his response. BUT I WAS MAD. I REALLY WANNA STAY AWAY FROM HIM FOR QUITE SOME TIME, NOT WANTING TO EVEN BEFRIEND WITH HIM FOR QUITE A MOMENT. Seriously, I think certain mindset is unreasonable. He knew that I liked him all along, and he should have shown me certain hints that I should give up. But he did not. He was holding the suspense, and showing concerns that have exceeded a friend should show. There are times that he didn't even bother to show any attentions to me, which let me made up my mind to stop liking him. But unpredictably, he would suddenly treat me really nice again. I said that he shouldn't have shown the wrong signal, but he blamed me for receiving the wrong signal. You know what? He has been waiting for me to confess, so he could reject me without breaking my heart. That's really a terrible mindset.
I feel good knowing the truth. I feel good telling the truth. I am not upset at all. Just angry to know that he has such a terrible mindset.
I never wanted a relationship with him. I wanna just stay as friend with him.
I know that all these madness are just temporary.
Yes! I can finally embrace my true happiness. YEAH! :D
How's your Valentine's Day spent? Is it a romantic one? A sweet one? Or just an ordinary day for you? Or a even a bad day?
For me, it's really a great start! I think I finally made a big step forward, a brave choice, to put everything to an end. I played "Truth or Dare" with myself, just as shown in the video below.
As I mentioned in the post "Yeah, A Great Chance to Let GO!", I made up my mind not to interact with him for the next half year. But I failed within a week, because my secondary school Chemistry teacher told me that I shouldn't initiate a cold war with friend. It's easier to break a friendship, and hard to build one. So... I sent a message to apologise, and I had decided to throw everything aside, and enjoy my teaching practicum.
Seriously, my teaching practicum was truly enjoyable that I barely thought of talking to him. And I almost forgotten that I was mad at him, not until our mutual close friend came over to Taiwan.
I think she is a genius. She found my blog, which I thought not a single person would ever click to my personal blog link, besides myself. She read the post "Yeah, A Great Chance to Let GO!", and what makes me think that she's really a genius is, she showed him the blog entry. At first, I was astonished, and MAD of course. But I didn't mind anymore, just felt that she's a little rude to do so. And I don't care if he sees it.
And I thought I didn't necessarily need his concern. I was really doing great there, and felt loved everyday despite the pressures and challenges I might face anytime. I was no longer thirsty for his concern. Really!
But I was wrong. I happened to see him in a gathering. But I realised that I PRETENDED to ignore his presence, and refused to talk to him much, and I realised that I was AVOIDING EYE CONTACT with him. I looked away immediately if I ever accidentally stared into his eyes. What does that mean? It's still bothering me.
I met up with him on Friday, 13 February. He started asking about me and blah blah blah, pointing out the problems I am facing, which I TRULY REFUSED TO SHARE WITH HIM. And he said that I should have seek help from him at the start, because he is the right person to talk to, because he is experienced, and he knows me well... (Yeah, he is indeed my mind reader, but still... Bullsh*t..) I started laughing, because he was there trying to preach, with the same old expressions. But this time round, I no longer feel excited, nor touched. No. Just normal. He mentioned that he's wiser than me, and I have to listen to the wise one.
I didn't seek him for help during the past months, because I have made up my mind that I should't be reliant on him, no matter how well he knows me. I don't want to fall into the same trap again.
We went for movie together, and window shopped for toys and HIS CLOTHES. (Which I think I am being too nice to follow like my soul was under his control.) At dinner time, he asked me a question, and I was startled. He asked me if I have a boyfriend, and if I have ever dated with someone. Why didn't I get together with XXX. (!!!!!) I never expected such questions would ever come out from him. I was too dumbfounded to respond. But that very night, I made up my mind. It's really time to put everything to an end, and tell him the truth. Let him tell me the truth which I had already known deep down my heart. The truth may be unbearable, but it would make me feel better.
I am not the kinda person who would confess. I never made a single confession in my life. NEVER. It is a big step for me to tell him the truth, that's why I said that I feel really good about overcoming my fears! XD
So, I sent him a voice message which says,
"Hey XXX, I know you would appreciate that I am more straight forward, and tell you honestly about my thoughts. Yesterday, you asked me if I have a boyfriend, and if I have ever gone on date before. I was startled to hear such a question from you, too started to respond. Here is my answer. All these year I don't have a boyfriend, because I am a silly and stubborn fool, who have been liking the same guy throughout the past four and a half year, no matter he likes me or not. Three years after I met him, I thought it gonna be hopeless and not practical, and I tried to erase the feeling, and let him fade away from my memory, especially when he started to be callous towards me. But I realised that these were futile attempt. Yep, there used to be other guys out there in Taiwan, who are good, but I rejected them, because I am still liking the same person. So determined, but stubborn, right? Haha.
"Well, actually, I would truly appreciate that you can tell me right in my face IF YOU NEVER FELT THE SAME FOR ME, but we can always stay as friends. I know that I would be sad for awhile, but it's much faster to put all these to an end, and move on with life! I won't be mad at you.
"Hope you don't feel awkward hearing this message. If you do, I am sorry, you can delete this message, but please, don't ignore me."
The summary of his response was:
All along, he knew that I liked him. He has no feeling for me, but we are always still friends. (As I know, he always helped me.) He had been waiting for me to tell him my real thoughts. We are good friends, the pioneer one. The way he treats me actually is the way he treats everyone.
You know what, I accepted the truth, I appreciated his response. BUT I WAS MAD. I REALLY WANNA STAY AWAY FROM HIM FOR QUITE SOME TIME, NOT WANTING TO EVEN BEFRIEND WITH HIM FOR QUITE A MOMENT. Seriously, I think certain mindset is unreasonable. He knew that I liked him all along, and he should have shown me certain hints that I should give up. But he did not. He was holding the suspense, and showing concerns that have exceeded a friend should show. There are times that he didn't even bother to show any attentions to me, which let me made up my mind to stop liking him. But unpredictably, he would suddenly treat me really nice again. I said that he shouldn't have shown the wrong signal, but he blamed me for receiving the wrong signal. You know what? He has been waiting for me to confess, so he could reject me without breaking my heart. That's really a terrible mindset.
I feel good knowing the truth. I feel good telling the truth. I am not upset at all. Just angry to know that he has such a terrible mindset.
I never wanted a relationship with him. I wanna just stay as friend with him.
I know that all these madness are just temporary.
Yes! I can finally embrace my true happiness. YEAH! :D
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