Goodbye, Ever After

How would you feel when you have decided to let go something you have been clinging onto tightly? 

At the first thought, you are happy because you thought you are brave. 

But at the second thought, would you start feeling that it's such a pity to lose it forever, because you used to get lots of advantages while possessing it? Since you have announced that you have made up your mind to let go, you are now trying to façade your reluctance. 

Eventually, you would start thinking about all shortcomings of that something, to convince yourself that you're going to live better without it?

This is exactly what I have been through these days, when I have decided to let go.

Talking to best friends is a way to get over with all these emotions. 
1. They never get tired of listening to your pointless drama over and over again. 
2. They don't judge you,  accepting who you are.
3. They analyse the situation subjectively.
4. They would stop you if you were about to act impulsively.

I didn't expect myself to be extremely mad on the first few days, soon after I thought that I was going to embrace happiness. I didn't know that I need more time than I thought to calm down. It was one of my closest friend who reminded me that I was still bothered by this issue, because I was on the verge of anger.

I started to look for more evidence to prove that he is a someone who is not worth melting for.

I was thinking about various pranks that I can play on him to seek revenge. But he is too smart to know what I am thinking all along, that he can pay no attention on those pranks. Failing to prank him would probably make me angrier. Eventually, I gave up those thoughts.

Some of my friends and family suggested me to stop keeping in touch with him, block him in all social apps, and delete his number. Some people advised me to get a boyfriend.

Seriously, all these are not what I want. I am not in any desperate need for boyfriend. Neither do I want to lose a friend. I am not going to deny that these will stop the pain. BUT... Will it really heal the wound that has already infected deep inside? Is it the guy himself who is the cause of the pain? Or am I the one who doomed myself?

I realised that I am no longer outrageous after talking to my cousin sister, who is six years younger than me. 

I opened up to her about the problem I am facing. She showed me the messages he text her a few years ago. Those seemed familiar to what I had ever received from him. We both concluded that he treats everyone the same. He just wanted to be nice and get closer to your heart.  On the outside he is charming and humorous. On the inside, he has the power to open up people's mind and understand people. Those lonely and sorrowful girls would probably have mistaken his intentions when they received warmth from him.

I smiled. I don't feel a tinge of jealousy, or anger, or any regret in my mind. I am really happy. I am happy to learn that I have been thinking too much in the past. Now I know a little bit more about his character, it really stops me from imagining. It was my possessiveness, greed, vexations, vanity, ignorance that distorted his image. I would depict him either abnormally over perfect, or unreasonably grotesque. Once these emotions have gone away, I am really proud to have such a friend, and I really appreciate the kindness he has once offered. I am wrong to blame him for being too nice. There is no need to stay away from him since I have stop thinking too much.

Oh yay! I am really getting over with these. Thank you all those who helped me, including him.

Say goodbye to the pain in the past. Goodbye, ever after.